🗣️ CAN YOU BELIEVE IT’S 2020?!?! You couldn’t tell 10 year old me that I’d be living any less fly than the Jetsons in the year 2020 (and I do mean FLY literally). But here we are, still rolling around on 4 tires that could go flat if the temperature drops too rapidly…
While technology has fallen short of my imagination, my actual life has not! Since I PHinisheD grad school, I did a short stint in NY before landing my dream job as a Medical Science Liaison!
But things weren’t a total breeze. I was back swimming in debt from a second relocation. I had to buy a car to even do my job. And I had to find the money to get through field training (sure, work paid me back. . .but I had to pay first). The old me would have shrunken back and worried my way through it all. But the new me has a little more grit.
In 2019, I chose a word to lead my year: AVAILABLE. I wanted to make myself available to every opportunity – to learn, to wait, to love, to grow, to receive. And I somehow did all of those things. In 2020: the word to lead my year is DISCIPLINE. And so, under the guise of discipline, I will stop letting perfection be the enemy of done and press go on this post (4 days late, not how I wanted, but done). ¯_(ツ)_/¯
So much life has happened since my last post 3 years ago. The short summary is: My beloved Grandaddy passed away; I finally PhinisheD grad school; I lost my road dog Missy to cancer; I started my career! But to shorten those 3 years to a few bullet points and just move forward from this new starting point would be a disservice to those trying to decide/enter/navigate the terrain of the road less traveled.
Being in grad school doesn’t exempt me from life. People pass away. Friendships are lost. Family stresses me. The unexpected happens. Sometimes they are spaced out. Other times they come back to back. Still other times they come simultaneously. This past month I was hit with a back to back/simultaneous combo. Read More »
This time last year, I began my 4th year as a PhD candidate displaced. I had no mentor, no lab, and no thesis project. I felt betrayed, bullied, and abandoned. I didn’t know what I had done that was so horrible to deserve this.
But I hadn’t done anything to deserve it. The truth is, my program had failed me. I did what I was supposed to. I talked to all the “right” people. I made the requested adjustments. And still, I was in jeopardy of leaving school without my PhD.
Never had Donnie McClurkin’s lyrics felt so real to me: What do you do when you’ve done all you can And it seems like it’s never enough? And what do you say When your friends [mentors, in my case] turn away And you’re all alone?
Tell me, what do you give when you’ve given your all And it seems like you can’t make it through? Well, you just stand when there’s nothing left to do. You just stand, watch the Lord see you through. Yes, after you’ve done all you can, You just stand.
I didn’t understand at first. You see, patience is not my virtue. In my opinion, standing always symbolized laziness or loitering, basically being unproductive. It never symbolized strength or silently fighting back. . .until now. This time last year, I had nothing else to do except stand and it was the most difficult thing to do. All I wanted to do was hide, lay in bed all day, and cry. I didn’t want to be seen, answer any questions, or explain the situation anymore. But I realized if I ran away from this, that would mean they successfully stole my dream without so much as a peep from me. I would have HANDED my dream over. And I knew I couldn’t do that.
With no energy left in me to fight the enemy, all I could do was stand in his face. So that’s what I did. I went to school every day and sat at my student desk. I’m sure those who tried to tear me down were surprised to see me, but there I was. . .standing in the fire without being consumed.
And sure enough, the Lord began to make a way! Soon I had interviews to find a new lab. My spirit wasn’t fully prepared to fight just yet, but God sent me a sign reminding me that I didn’t have to: all of the opportunities that required too much fight were taken away, leaving a single opportunity to take. Here was my chance to start over.
So in the spirit of starting over: this time last year, I began my 4th year as a PhD candidate on a new project, with new mentorship, and a new spirit. ”You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done”. In a single year, God took me from 0 to 100 (real quick, 😛 ). I am so excited and overwhelmed by the favor He has given/is giving me.
The countdown to graduation has already begun. T-17 months!!! Follow me on this journey to become Dr. Martin as I go through the ups and downs of school life, career development, and personal growth. I know I’m not the only one out there, so I hope my stories can help you too!
“The lotus is the most beautiful flower, whose petals open one by one. But it will only grow in the mud. In order to grow and gain wisdom, first you must have the mud — the obstacles of life and its suffering. ” -Goldie Hawn, A Lotus Grows in the Mud
Well I must truly be that Lotus Flower Bomb that Wale was talking about because I have been slung through the mud so much in grad school that I’m convinced I now live there. I took a hiatus from blogging because an effort was made to end my graduate career early and I had to refocus and figure out how I would overcome this obstacle. I knew the actions were unethical. Post-prelims, it cannot be decided for me whether or not I can continue pursuing a PhD (unless I have failed to meet milestones after a cautionary probation). Yet that is what transpired. All of a sudden, I was an advanced grad student (4th year!!!) competing for space with new students. I was suffering. While sitting in my suffering, trying to figure out how I got to this point, I realized there were just as many advantages to my position as there were disadvantages, so I optimized those advantages.
1. Con: as an advanced student, a PI might not want to take me in because s/he would have a limited timeline for a project (translation: less free labor).
Pro: as an advanced student, a PI can get more progress and product from me because I have already acquired applicable lab skills and would not require much training.
2. Con: as an advanced student looking for a lab, I don’t have funding to support me.
Pro: incoming grad students also do not have funding to support them. I would require less $ due to less amount of time I need to complete my degree.
3. Con: as an advanced student without a lab, I do not have a project to complete in order to get my degree.
Pro: as an advanced student still fighting to be here, I have more dedication, drive, and perseverance to complete my degree, whereas a new student may end up not passing prelims or deciding to leave grad school.
This outlook gave me hope, for I could now see above the mud. Just before the close of 2013, I found a new lab home. I began 2014 very guarded and hesitant because I had been emotionally bullied and nearly defeated. But I continued to stand (in the mud). Little by little, I let down my guard and opened up my mind (one petal at a time). I received instruction and encouragement positively (growing and gaining wisdom). After 6 months, I think I’m finally on my way to becoming the most beautiful flower (lotus). I have accomplished more in these 6 months with my new mentor(s) than I ever did with my old mentor(s). I have finished my first aim, was accepted to TWO national workshops, and received travel awards to attend both. Not only that, but I am also applying to receive a Certificate in Global Health with my degree. Funny how that worked out: somebody didn’t want me to get a PhD and now I’m getting a PhD and then some!
This has been my process. It has not been easy. It has not been pretty. But the bullsh!t dealt to me I have turned into fertilizer. So the grass is finally starting to look greener on MY side.
After a wonderful time dancing the night away, we got back with just enough time for a catnap before the next day’s adventure: ZIPLINING! Christina had no idea what was in store. All she knew was there was a harness involved. To keep the nerves away, she began cooking our first breakfast while everyone else got ready. Just as the huevos began to sizzle in the pan, there was a knock on our door and a friendly voice called out to us, “Hola! Que lo que!”
Christina and I were a little startled. Were we that friendly last night and gained a stalker?!? Naaah. So I went outside to see what was going on. The guy introduced himself and explained that he was the transportation that was going to take us to the ziplining transportation. . .a taxi to take us to the taxi? #sketch. I went back inside to check for any email updates from the company that booked our tour and sure enough there was a new email validating his story. The only discrepancy: he was 45 minutes early. He told us there was a change in the ziplining transportation’s schedule and they were already waiting for us, so we must hurry. #facepalm
Christina finished up the eggs as I finished drying my hair and brushing my teeth. Then we switched positions so she could dry her hair and brush her teeth while I put the food away. . .
As we apologetically climbed into the zipline truck, we were greeted by warm smiles (and a wink from the guide Elvio). On the way to Monkey Jungle, the warm wind whipped our hair, the sun melted our worries, and the excitement was additive as we all chatted to calm our nerves. Two girls from Oklahoma were also on their first trip abroad, and they were staying at the resort we were headed to later in our trip, so we were excited to hear their stories. They told us about all the great music and clubs they’d been to and all the great food they had. Assuming the places they were talking about were outside of the resort, we asked if their taxi experience was as crazy as ours. Shockingly, they actually never left the resort for their experiences. They only left for excursions like today, and that transportation was door to door. They had NO IDEA what it was like in the actual city. . .and they didn’t think they were missing out on anything. Seriously?! How can you say you experienced the Dominican Republic without actually leaving the walls that confine you?
Thankfully Elvio gracefully inserted himself into our conversation to avoid the awkward silence that was sure to come. Elvio was intrigued by our expression to experience the true Dominican Republic. His green eyes sparkled as he shared stories about his family and his favorite things to do in the city. He and Christina “clicked” on the topic of baseball. He told us about his son who was a professional baseball player getting ready to sign a US professional contract until he got bit by a mosquito and contracted malaria. Despite the tragedy of the story, he had a jovial outlook on life. He was even looking forward to getting married! Soon! To Christina! Hahahaha He announced his ‘engagement’ to the passengers as we pulled up to Monkey Jungle and told the guides to take extra care of his future wife and ‘sister’-in-law (me).
Monkey Jungle is a 280 acre working farm with nearly a mile of ACCT Certified Zip Line. There are 7 Stations and a free fall fan descender, which drops almost 60 feet into an ancient cave! After Ziplining, there is a tour of a botanical garden with rabbits, peacocks, turkeys, and squirrel monkeys! There is also a large enclosure that houses rescue capuchins who entertain and provide countless memories. The extra special thing about Monkey Jungle is that all proceeds benefit the onsite medical/dental clinic which provides FREE service to the community!
Aside from a great adventure, ziplining was a lesson in letting go. You’re strapped to a cable, on a ledge, and you can’t go anywhere if you don’t take the leap. Sometimes you’re on a ledge that is in the middle of nowehere and you can’t go back to where you were. You can only trust life, let go, and move forward. And when you do that, you might be surprised at how enjoyable the journey is. This is important to overcoming things that may be holding us back in life. Maybe you have the death grip on your comfort zone, or you’re dragging out your latest relationship (job, friend, love included). Whatever has you stuck, you’ve got to let go.
We truly enjoyed the experience at Monkey Jungle. From the jolly Southern-accented, Tennessee-native owner, to the guides nicknamed after celebrities (Eddie Murphy, Will.I.Am, Kobe, Chris Brown, Mariah Carey, and later we met Usher), to feeding the squirrel monkeys, parrots, and rescue ashy-faced owl. . .this experience was more than words could express. So enjoy the pictures and video of our experience!
After spending way too much time in the grocery store, we finally headed to our humble abode at SunCamp DR Apartments in Munoz, a lovely village just outside Puerto Plata. We had a spacious 2 bedroom apartment with a very comfy living and kitchen area.
As is standard travel customs, we excitedly unpacked then headed out of the room to see who and what was around. After finding No-one and Nothing, we lounged by the river to figure out what to do with the remaining daylight hours. It wasn’t long before adventure found us again. A few minutes into our chat, we heard laughter coming from the front of the complex. Ariel and Silvia, affectionately called “Margarita” by Ariel, were returning from horseback riding (initially we thought her name was really Margarita; he said it so sweetly!). We went out to introduce ourselves and ended up getting invited to a night on the town. Silvia wanted to venture into the city and explore El Malecon – the stretch of street that runs along the edge of the island – and we absolutely wanted to tag along. Plus we were HUNGRY and Hugo, the chef, was not in yet.
So with that, we headed to the taxi stand that would take us into the city. Ruta Munoz was the taxi of choice. It only cost 30 pesos ($0.75) per person and drove a specific route all day long. Perfect! On the short walk to the stand, we couldn’t help but wonder how this was going to work. . .There were a total of 5 of us going (Ariel and our photographer joined us). Obviously we wouldn’t all fit in one car. . .and with no real destination in mind, how would we know where to meet up? Ariel read our minds (or our confused faces) and intruded upon our thoughts:
Ariel: “No problem! We’re all going in the same car.”
Silvia: “Ruta Munoz taxis carry 7 people: 6 passengers plus the driver!”
Us: “Whaaaaat?” Jesus be a fence!
After arriving in El Malecon unscathed, we found a local restaurant and had our first Dominican meal. The food was AMAZING! It was so fresh, very flavorful, and paired perfectly with our El Presidente beers (the national beer). After dinner, we walked down El Malecon and ran into our dessert: Daikiris! As we continued on, with drinks in tow, we found ourselves in a mixture of rhythms and beats blaring from all directions. Parked cars were setting up speakers the size of me. Moving cars had windows all the way down and volume all the way up. Motorcycles didn’t skip a beat either, as they equipped themselves with musical backpacks (aka subwoofers and bungee cords)! This was clearly “la lleca” (slang for “the spot”). And we weren’t just IN the mix, we WERE the mix! With all the wonderful music surrounding us, we couldn’t resist dancing! The police officers hanging out (apparently after work because they weren’t regulating the crazy traffic) enjoyed our salsa 😉 The young boy next to us with his family enjoyed schooling us with his reggaeton moves. And we enjoyed dancing the night away. Silvia even said a few times throughout the night, “Ayana, music is IN your blood!”
We bonded, practiced Spanish, and shared stories. . .mainly our top lessons from the DR thus far:
The answer to everything is “No problem!”
Avoid public “Dominican bathrooms” (aka that bush over there) at all costs – even if it means begging the Daikiri lady to let us use her apartment.
Don’t try the “fries” – especially when the fries are actually lambi and NOT potatoes (but DO try the lambi).
Check out pictures and video of our El Malecon adventures: