Verb: STAND

This time last year, I began my 4th year as a PhD candidate displaced. I had no mentor, no lab, and no thesis project. I felt betrayed, bullied, and abandoned. I didn’t know what I had done that was so horrible to deserve this.

But I hadn’t done anything to deserve it. The truth is, my program had failed me. I did what I was supposed to. I talked to all the “right” people. I made the requested adjustments. And still, I was in jeopardy of leaving school without my PhD.

Never had Donnie McClurkin’s lyrics felt so real to me:
What do you do when you’ve done all you can
And it seems like it’s never enough?
And what do you say
When your friends [mentors, in my case] turn away
And you’re all alone?

Tell me, what do you give when you’ve given your all
And it seems like you can’t make it through?
Well, you just stand when there’s nothing left to do.
You just stand, watch the Lord see you through.
Yes, after you’ve done all you can,
You just stand.

I didn’t understand at first. You see, patience is not my virtue. In my opinion, standing always symbolized laziness or loitering, basically being unproductive. It never symbolized strength or silently fighting back. . .until now. This time last year, I had nothing else to do except stand and it was the most difficult thing to do. All I wanted to do was hide, lay in bed all day, and cry. I didn’t want to be seen, answer any questions, or explain the situation anymore. But I realized if I ran away from this, that would mean they successfully stole my dream without so much as a peep from me. I would have HANDED my dream over. And I knew I couldn’t do that.

With no energy left in me to fight the enemy, all I could do was stand in his face. So that’s what I did. I went to school every day and sat at my student desk. I’m sure those who tried to tear me down were surprised to see me, but there I was. . .standing in the fire without being consumed.

And sure enough, the Lord began to make a way! Soon I had interviews to find a new lab. My spirit wasn’t fully prepared to fight just yet, but God sent me a sign reminding me that I didn’t have to: all of the opportunities that required too much fight were taken away, leaving a single opportunity to take. Here was my chance to start over.

So in the spirit of starting over: this time last year, I began my 4th year as a PhD candidate on a new project, with new mentorship, and a new spirit. ”You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done”. In a single year, God took me from 0 to 100 (real quick, 😛 ). I am so excited and overwhelmed by the favor He has given/is giving me.

The countdown to graduation has already begun. T-17 months!!! Follow me on this journey to become Dr. Martin as I go through the ups and downs of school life, career development, and personal growth. I know I’m not the only one out there, so I hope my stories can help you too!

©2014 by Ayana Martin

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Meet our Rookie Traveler!!

We have reached our $300 mark!!!! As promised, I would like to introduce you to our Rookie Traveler!

Meet Christina!

Christina
John Witherspoon was on one of my first flights! This MUST be a sign!

“My name is Christina S. I am 25 years old, the youngest of 4, and new to travel. Growing up, I was terrified to fly because my dad would always say that he hated flying and it installed so many fears in me. My family took many vacations, but no matter how far we went, we ALWAYS drove. I was 22 years old when I got on my first flight and that opened my eyes up to a new world! It made me realize that my parents choice to not fly didn’t have to influence my choice to fly. However, I still have a slight fear of flying out of the country for the first time. But I am excited for this opportunity. I bought my passport JUST FOR THIS TRIP!

This opportunity means so much to me for a couple reasons.

Reason #1: I am a young mom. I was 17, fresh out of high school, and having a baby. This caused me to drop out of college after only one semester in order to find a job to support my daughter. I love being a mom, but single motherhood has brought on many challenges that have caused me to sacrifice many opportunities.

Reason #2: I am out of touch with my heritage. My father is African American and my mother is Honduran. My mother has never taken me to visit Honduras, probably because she has not gone back herself. But she had no desire, so I had no desire. But, it’s worse than that. . .My mom, her extended family, even my two oldest siblings speak fluent Spanish. I have tried for many years and taken many classes, and yet I still am unable to speak the language. Although this trip is to the Dominican Republic and not to Honduras, it is a culture that will make me feel that much closer to my own.

To all of the current backers and future backers of this trip, THANK YOU SO MUCH!! You’re truly changing my life.”

We still need your support to make this trip happen. Every dollar helps and will be rewarded with a gift from Insert(VERB)Here! Check out the video and details in the donation site to learn more. To donate to this project, click here.

©2013 by Ayana Martin

Verb: WRITE a thesis

Writing has become more of a state of being for me these days. When people ask me how I’ve been, I respond “-__- I’ve been writing.” When they ask me where I’ve been, I respond, “>.< I’ve been writing.” No matter the time of day or night, if you ask me what I’m doing, the answer is “x_x writing “

I am so over writing! So to explain my state of being for the past 2 weeks, I will keep the writing short and use visual cues 🙂

Writing has completely absorbed me. The only people that see me on a regular basis are my writing buddy Kim (@realkimtillman) and the librarians that check us into our suite at Hotel Librarie (in my french accent. . .*oui oui*).

This is where the magic happens. We play word games like “Guess the Title”, where we write any and all words relevant to our thesis topic and try to form the best title. . .

We feng shui the room for the best writing or typing energies. . .

We are so focused that the librarians check in on us and remind us to eat. . .

We still forget and resume writing utnil an announcement over the PA system says “The library will be closing in 3 minutes. . .at midnight. . .Kim and Ayana”.

That really happened last night.

We go home, sleep it off (translation: have nightmares that the library will no longer allow us to reserve a study room), and repeat.

image

*le sigh* It’s a necessary evil in achieving the highest degree in the United States – PhD! Stay tuned for this explanation 🙂

clip credits: http://whatshouldwecallgradschool.tumblr.com/

©2013 by Ayana Martin

Verb: HELP me give a trip away!

The goal of Insert(VERB)Here is to challenge personal limits and fears. And I really want to give a great experience to someone who may not have had access to opportunities before.

I have designed the very first travel project of Insert(VERB)Here and selected one young lady who has barely left her own backyard! – Check out the video here – I am taking the challenge to the extreme: OVERSEAS! (What’s more out of the box than foreign soil?!) This project encompasses 3 goals for personal transformation.

1) Empathy Training (understanding the states of other people)
2) Eliminating stereotypes and stigmas (Black women do it too)
3) Public Service (passing on the blessings)

The entire trip will be documented with blogs, photos, and videos for all of you – my family, friends, and friends-to-come – to use as a blueprint to getting out to explore the world. And if you can’t get out and explore the world just yet, you can live vicariously through us until you can!

I need YOUR help to make this happen. You can donate any dollar amount because every little bit helps! Every dollar will receive a reward from Insert(VERB)Here. The tiers are as follows:

Bronze Level: $1-25 Insert(VERB)Here Magnet
Silver Level: $26-75 Postcards (7) from each day of the trip + Bronze Level benefit
Gold Level: $76-100 Insert(VERB)Here T-shirt + Silver Level benefit
Platinum Level: $101-250 Authentic personalized souvenir (TBA) + Bronze Level benefit
Diamond Level: $251-500 Skype date + Insert(VERB)Here T-shirt

Donate at https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/dT9A8 !! Live updates will also be posted on the Fundrazr campaign page!

©2013 by Ayana Martin